


for your eyes only (I'll show you my heart)

by outofaith



Series: Home [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Autism, F/F, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jackson Whittemore Needs a Hug, Jackson is autistic, M/M, Meltdown, Pack Dynamics, Pack Family, Pack Feels, Pack Mom, Pack pups, Protective Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Stim Toys, THIS IS REALLY OOC, because there is not enough inclusion in this fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 22:31:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19365160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outofaith/pseuds/outofaith
Summary: Jackson knew that he couldn't keep it a secret forever.





	for your eyes only (I'll show you my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I really hope you like this, I wrote it instead of sleeping. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.

**Saturday, 5:30 p.m.**

 

His mind was in overdrive. There was too much happening and all at once. Damn it, Jackson thought. This was supposed to stop with the bite, but, instead of that, his enhanced senses just increased it to what seemed like tenfold.

He was aware of his breathing coming in quick intakes and that his chest was rising and falling in rapid sucession. His heartbeat was loud and he knew that there was no way in hell that he wasn’t attracting the attention of his Alphas. Not only them, but his packmates and his actual mate. Fuck.

There was loud music blasting on the backyard of the house, the entire Pack was there, as well as the Sheriff and Melissa. Everyone was talking at the same time. He could pick out every little sound and it was too much. He could hear the little animals all the way back in the woods. He could hear every heartbeat and breath intake. He could smell so many scents as well. Grilling hamburgers, Derek’s beer, Amelia and Melissa’s white wine, soda and a fruity punch. He could smell all of the people around the backyard and yet, he couldn’t focus on picking out only one in order to ground himself.

He was faintly aware of his left hand quickly tapping his thigh and was trying his hardest to avoid covering his ears to tune it all out. His eyes were alternating between darting around and staring blindly down to his legs.

He closed his eyes tightly and once he opened them again he was met with Amelia’s concerned face in front of him, Scott right by her side. They were calling his name, he thought faintly. Perhaps he should answer. He found that he couldn’t and, the moment that he felt Scott’s hand on his shoulder he abruptly stood up and bolted.

He ran past his packmates and he could smell their worry in the air. He entered the house and his feet carried him straight to the only place he was sure he would be alone and surrounded by safety. 

***

They found him at the den. 

Amelia was the first one to regain her wits, her mind already making a million and one connections and assumptions based on her studies during Uni, going on to her Masters and PhD. She had seen people having meltdowns before, she knew what it looked like from miles away.

“You stay here, alright? All of you.” She told the kids and was prepared when they all frowned at her.

“I’m not letting him go like that! I can’t!” Scott said and, really, she should have seen it coming. “Please mom, I can’t let him be alone right now.”

She looked at him closely. She knew that Scott was Jackson’s mate and that he was in love with him even though they had barely started going out. 

“Fine, alright. But you have to do as I say.” She told him and raised her hand to silence the others when they started to plead to come along. “No, guys, he can’t have that many people crowding him right now, you can see him once he’s feeling better.”

With that, she signaled to Scott to follow her inside. It wasn’t exactly hard to guess where they would find her pup and, soon enough, they were standing inside the den.

Amelia’s heart shattered as she took notice of how scared he looked. Jackson was sitting on the corner of the den, between the cushioned walls. His knees were drawn up to his chest, his head pillowed by them, both of his hands covering his ears. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was rocking back and forth.

She slowly approached him. The salty smell of tears and distress assaulting her nostrils.

“Jackson.” Her voice was low and gentle. “Sweetheart, can I touch you?” He didn’t acknowledge her, so she tentatively placed her hands on top of his own. Amelia slowly, so very slowly, circled his wrists and lowered the hands that were covering his ears. 

Immediately, his hands curled into tight fists and she knew his claws were out and pressing into his palms once the smell of blood reached her. “Baby, I need you to look at me.” He shook his head frantically and she internally cursed, he was going to hurt himself at this pace. “No, no, baby. Slow down.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Scott asked, his voice frantic.

“There’s nothing wrong with him.” She answered, her voice bordering the line of too sharp before regaining her gentle tone. “Jackson, love, I really need you to look at me, can you do that? Can you please open your eyes and look at me?”

It took him a few minutes and soft coaxion on her part but eventually he opened his eyes. They darted around the room, never looking at her or Scott for more than a few seconds. “Darling, can you give me your hands?”

His eyes, wide and wet with tears, stared at her for a few moments, little whimpers coming from his mouth. Slowly, he nodded.

She released a breath she wasn’t even aware of holding and took his hands on hers. She helped him open his fists and swallowed hard as she quickly assessed his bloody palms. His breathing, though, was still coming way too quickly, she raised one of his hands to her chest and took a deep and exagerated breath.

“I need you to breath with me, sweetheart, can you do that?” He stared blankly at her. “Try to match your breathing to mine, alright? Take one deep breath, I’m going to count, okay? One, two, three, four. That’s it, now hold it in, one, two, three. And let it out, one, two, three, four, five. That’s it, baby, again.” She guided him through the breathing exercise eight more times until his breathing finally slowed down to a regular pattern.

Once his tears stopped, he slumped forward, his head resting on her shoulder. “Baby, do you have anything to help keeping you grounded? A weighted blanket, maybe?” As soon as the words left her mouth, Amelia felt Jackson stiffen all over and was quick to card her fingers through his hair. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, love, there’s nothing wrong with you. Scott and I just want to help you, but we can’t do that if you don’t let us.”

It took him a few minutes but, eventually, in a tiny voice that even with her enhanced hearing she had to strain to hear, he answered. “The blue knitted one, inside the top drawer.”

“Alright.” She said and looked at Scott who was already halfway out of the door. Amelia kept carding her fingers through his soft locks, her other hand holding him close to her body. She could feel his hands gripping her sweater in a tight grip and was distantly aware that it was going to stain with the blood on his hands, but couldn’t bring herself to care.

In no time, Scott was back with the baby blue knitted blanket and a warm flannel. She motioned for him to drape it around Jackson’s shoulders and was physically able to feel his body slowly relaxing at the weight of the blanket. “Give me your hands, baby.”

She cleaned his hands until there was no trace of blood on them and quickly assessed that they were already healing.

“Can I hug you?” She heard Scott ask, his voice so, so gentle.

For the first time, Jackson looked straight at them. His eyes jumped from Amelia to Scott and back again until finally settling on Scott. Amelia thought she could feel her heart breaking for the tenth time that day at the fear and embarrassment that were so clear in his eyes.

Finally, Jackson gave a tiny nod and, in seconds, Scott was beside him, pulling him against his chest.

“I’m sorry.” Was the first thing out of Jackson’s mouth, his voice shaky. “This shouldn’t have happened, it won’t happen again.”

“Jackson, darling, you don’t have to apologize, it’s not something you could have any control over.”

“I don’t understand what happened.” Scott confessed, his eyes full of worry after seeing his mate in such a state of distress and not knowing how to help him.

“I think that you should tell him, love.”

Jackson’s eyes were wide as they settled on her. “I can’t.”

“Of course you can.” She said in a soft voice, her smile gentle. “I already know, don’t you think that it’s something that your mate should be aware of?” He looked conflicted, so she tackled on. “Darling, you can’t keep it a secret forever, you know that. Besides, what if it happens and I’m not around? Scott can help you, you know you can trust him.”

“I do trust him.” He argued and then, in a soft voice. “I trust you, Scott.”

“You can tell me anything, Jacks, you can always trust me, I would never judge you.”

Jackson mulled that over and his cheeks were bright red when he spoke again. “I was diagnosed with autism when I was two. I have been going to behavior and speech and language therapy for as long as I can remember. I thought it would go away with the bite, but it didn’t.”

Scott hugged him even closer, one hand on the back of Jackson’s head, he leant down and kissed his forehead. “Okay.”

Jackson seemed surprised with that answer. “Okay? That’s... That’s it?”

“It doesn’t change anything, you know that, right? I liked you before I knew and now that I do know, it doesn’t change anything. Sure, it may explain a lot of things, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.” His smile was adoring as he looked down at Jackson’s confused face. “I’ve always wondered why you seemed so on edge in school and during the games, I just assumed you didn’t like big crowds.”

“I don’t.” Jackson agreed and they lapsed into silence.

“I really like this blanket of yours, it’s really soft.” Scott said after awhile.

“I like soft things.” Came the confession and Amelia could see Scott filling that information for later.

“Do you think you could tell the others?” Amelia asked when she thought that Jackson was a bit more comfortable, his eyes were conflicted as he mulled over her question.

“Do I have to?” 

“Well, you don’t have to, but it may be a good idea, don’t you think?” She tilted her head to the side and studied her pup. “I think that, right now, they’re all very worried about you, especially Lydia and Danny. They’re your friends, love, and your family, they just want to be able to help you.”

“I don’t know...” He said, his eyes downcast.

“Think about it this way, if it were the opposite, if one of them had an episode like the one you just did and you could see and smell how distressed they were, wouldn’t you want to know what was going on so you could help?”

“Of course I would!” Jackson suddenly looked at her like the answer should be obvious. He thought about what Amelia had said and sighed. “Well, I think you’re right.” He looked at her and bit his lower lip, a nervous habit that all of them had learned to identify. “Do you think they’ll be mad?”

“Why would they?” She frowned and she could see that Scott had the same expression on his face.

“Because I didn’t tell them sooner. Actually, I didn’t tell anyone.” His eyes widened. “Am I in trouble for not telling you and Derek?”

Amelia reached out and took his hand. “You’re not in trouble, love. You weren’t ready to tell us, and that is just fine. I figured it out because I majored in psychology and then got my Masters on the same field.” 

Scott tightened his hold and dropped another kiss to the top of Jackson’s head. “No one is going to be mad at you, Jacks. Everyone just really wants to be able to help you.”

She held her breath as they waited for Jackson to decide. In the end, he gave a tiny nod and Amelia stood up to call everyone. As she exited the room and made her way outside, she could faintly hear Scott murmuring soft encouragements.

“Hey guys.” She called once she stood in the backyard. “Jackson wants to talk to everyone.” She looked over to Melissa and the Sheriff, hoping they would understand that Jackson wouldn’t be comfortable around them just yet. Melissa softly smiled and gave her a nod. Amelia understood, in that moment, that she knew exactly what had happened and had no intention to further overwhelm the kid.

“What happened? Why is there blood on your sweater?” Derek frowned.

“Jackson ended up scratching himself in the middle of it all, it’s alright though, it’s already healing.” She explained and Amelia could see how that information made all of them frown in worry. “Listen, before you go in there, just remember not to make any loud noises, alright? And let him take his time to tell you what he needs to tell.”

They nodded and Amelia motioned for them to follow her inside the house and into the den.

“Jackson, darling.” She called in a soft voice. “Everyone is here, they want to see you, is it alright if they come in?”

She watched as he bit his lip and Scott murmured something she couldn’t quite catch. Jackson took a deep, bracing breath and nodded at her.

“Come on in.” She told Derek and the kids.

Slowly, they all walked in, situating themselves in front of the couple. She could see them taking in Jackson’s still healing hands, his red rimmed eyes and tousled hair. Amelia knew they were all worried, after all, Jackson always made sure that whenever he was in any state of vulnerability, no one saw him at all.

They waited patiently while Jackson decided what to say and Amelia was so very proud of them for giving him his time. All they did was sit in silence and shoot little smiles Jackson’s way whenever he would look at them. Not even Stiles broke the silence and Amelia promised that she would bake them all a pie for being so understanding.

“Mom.” He called eventually. “Do you think you could tell them? I don’t think I can.” He confessed, his eyes pleading and his bottom lip already trapped between his teeth.

“Of course, sweetheart.” Amelia reached over and squeezed his hand through the blanket. She let her eyes roam around the room, looking each one of her pups in the eye, eventually meeting her mate’s gaze.

Amelia could see that Derek was absolutely worried about his pup, she could feel it through their bond and she tried to convey to him that everything was okay. Finally, she nodded a little to herself and started to talk.

“What just happened is called a meltdown. It happens whenever the person is in too much stress or, in this case, their senses are in overdrive and they get overwhelmed by the situation.” Amelia could see that they were all preparing to ask a million questions, so she raised her hand, signaling them to stop and wait. “I know that what we were doing out there usually wouldn’t bother any of us, but, in Jackson’s case, it did.” She looked to the side so she could look in Jackson’s eyes, to see if he was okay with her continuing. All she received was a nod. “When he was two, Jackson was diagnosed with autism, that’s why he got so overwhelmed.”

As she looked at each one of her pups, Amelia could see that they were all processing the information. In their eyes, she could see understanding and, in Lydia and Danny’s case, sadness and she knew that they thought that their closest friend didn’t trust them, so she hurried to assure them.

“You should know that the only reason for Jackson not saying anything sooner is because he wasn’t ready for it.”

She could feel how scared Jackson was and that he was working himself up to a state of distress. Amelia saw how he tightened his hold on the blue blanket and how he curled himself closer to Scott’s side.

Derek was the first one to break the silence.

“I can’t say that I’m not sad that you didn’t tell us sooner. I’m not mad at you, kid, I’m just thinking that if you had, we could’ve helped you.” He looked straight into Jackson’s eyes and gave him a small smile. “You’re still the same person you always were and we all love you, no matter what.”

Amelia’s heart could burst with love for her mate in that moment.

“You’re not alone, Jackson. You have to understand that and stop thinking that you have to face everything on your own. You never were alone and you never will be.” Lydia said. “But you have to trust us.”

And it all came down to that. Trust. Amelia smiled a bit when the pups all started to agree with Lydia and Derek’s words, soft agreements being muttered by them all.

“I trust you, I really do.” Jackson finally said. His eyes no longer scared but hopeful. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”

“You don’t have to apologize, man.” Stiles said, a tentative smile appearing. “It took me the longest time to tell anyone about my ADHD, even though I never did a good job of hiding it. Everyone has their own time, and that’s fine, I guess.” Ethan smiled at Stiles and gripped his hand.

They watched as Jackson mulled over the words of comfort that came from the last person he expected, his cheeks dusted a light pink color. Finally, he nodded and allowed a small smile to break through.

“Thank you.” Jackson said. His voice was soft, nothing like the sharp, teasing tone they were all used to, but soft and vulnerable and earnest.

“No problem.” Stiles said and reached forward to squeeze his shoulder. “Dude, this has got to be the softest blanket ever!”

They laughed at Stiles’ exclamation and Jackson shrugged. “I like soft things.”

It was the second time he said that and Amelia could see Scott taking notice of it as well.

**Monday, 7:15 a.m.**

Amelia placed the last piece of bacon on a large platter, french toasts on another one and scrambled eggs on yet another one. She filled cups with coffee, milk and tea, according to the pups preferences and made sure to fill glasses of orange juice to each one of them.

She smiled as Derek reached around her to take his own cup of coffee, a black rounded mug with “totally – the best – dad ever” printed in block, golden letters on the front.

“I love you.” He murmured against her cheek as he dropped a kiss there. Amelia smiled and reached for her own cup, the exact same shape as Derek’s, but white, with “you can’t scare me, I have sixteen kids” printed in cursive black letters and sunflowers surrounding it. The mugs had been a Christmas gift from the kids and the two of them made a point of using them daily.

“I love you, too.” She told him. “You were great with Jackson yesterday. He really appreciated what you said.”

They had spent the rest of the day curled around each other in the den. The only moment any of them got up was when Amelia left to change into a new shirt, coming down so quickly it was as if she had never left in the first place.

All through Sunday, she watched Jackson closely, desperately wanting to know his go-to comfort objects. As far as she could see, his greatest comfort came from soft things, be it soft clothing or his blanket. He spent the entire day curled up under the blue, weighted blanket, thick wool socks on his feet, sweatpants and a thick sweatshirt that once belonged to Scott.

Pulling a few strings the day before and calling to an old friend, Amelia had managed to get him something he could wear outside the house, after all, she highly doubted that he would attend school wrapped up in a blanket or wearing Scott’s clothes.

“You were the one who managed to calm him down.”

“Still, you know how much he looks up to you. It meant a lot to him.” She turned around and softly kissed his lips. 

There was nothing she loved more than the serene atmosphere of their home this early in the morning. Upstairs, she could hear their pups waking up and getting ready to go to school, lured by the smell of coffee and the promise of food. At this time, the house was filled with a quietness that was hard to get when it was filled with an entire Pack of werewolves, most of them teenagers. 

Amelia hid a smile behind her coffee mug and looked at her mate. Derek was always like this in the mornings. His eyes were still a bit heavy with sleep and his voice rough. His hair was tousled and his cheeks a bit flushed since he refused to sleep without a pile of blankets. He was dressed much like her, sweatpants riding low on his hips and an old NYU hoodie that had certainly seen better days. 

“I love you.” She said once more, just because she could. Because she wanted to make sure that he never forgot that he was loved deeply and unconditionally.

His smile was soft and his cheeks flushed just that little bit more. It was quite endearing, Amelia thought. He leaned forward and kissed her. The hand that wasn’t holding his coffee circled her waist and pulled her closer. 

They only separated once they heard the first footsteps coming down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Good morning.” She greeted, turning around in Derek’s arms once again.

She was met with sleepy gazes, flushed cheeks and a chorus of “Good morning, mom. Good morning, Derek”.

As the pups all took their seats around the big marble island, Amelia and Derek stood watching their pups – their kids – with content smiles decorating their faces. Amelia’s wolf was happy and at ease.

“I’ll be right back.” She informed softly. Placing her mug on top of the island, she left the room.

Quickly, she walked inside her office and retrieved a big gray box with a light blue ribbon. She made her way back into the kitchen, softly clearing her throat.

“I’ve got you something, darling.” She told Jackson, her hand resting on his shoulder. She was certain she had made the right decision, considering that he was, once again, cocooned by the soft knitted blanket. 

He looked at her with curious eyes and a slight frown. “It’s not my birthday, though.”

Amelia laughed at his confusion. “I know that, but I thought that you would like this.”

Derek came forward, a small smile on his face, and cleared the plates and cutlery that were placed on the spot in front of the confused pup. She winked at him and placed the box on top of the island. “Well, go on, then, open it.” She urged when all he did was stare at it.

Jackson took off the blue ribbon and the top of the box, gently placing it on the side. She watched closely as he gently ran his hand over the soft fabric in front of him. He took the periwinkle blue sweater from inside the box and watched closely.

“It’s Merino wool.” She informed him. “It’s the softest one I could find. My friend from Uni, Lisa, she has a store that specializes in sensory clothing. It’s seamless and it doesn’t have a tag, so it won’t be scratchy or itchy.” She pointed to the gray socks and scarf that were also inside the box. “These are also Merino wool. You mentioned that you liked soft things, so I called her yesterday and she brought it over.” She had barely finished talking when she stumbled backwards with an armful of teenager werewolf.

“Thank you.” He whispered against her neck, where his face was hidden. His arms were tight around her body and she hugged him just as tightly. “Thank you, so much.”

They hugged for a couple of seconds and then he let her go. As she looked at him, she could see that his eyes were misty but before she could worry over it, she noticed the tentative smile on his lips.

“If you want, I can take you to the store, it’s in Los Angeles, but we could go on the weekend.”

“I’d really like that.”

“You know, it must be really nice being mom’s favorite.” Erica teased with a gentle smile and Jackson rolled his eyes, a soft rosy color rising on his cheeks at the teasing agreements that followed.

“Alright guys, you have to go and finish getting ready or you’ll be late.” Derek reminded them and was met with grumbling and whines.

Eventually, the kids stood up and made their ways back to their rooms upstairs to brush their teeth and finish getting dressed.

Twenty minutes later had Amelia and Derek downstairs, wishing their pups a nice day at school. Amelia’s smile was wide when she took notice of Jackson sporting his new sweater, in his left hand, he had a dark blue infinite rings fidget. They smiled at the pups as they piled inside cars and motorcycles.

“You are an amazing woman, I hope you know that.” Derek said as he pulled her closer to his body. “And an amazing mom.”

Amelia allowed herself a smile. She couldn’t imagine a better life.


End file.
